Freedom is a million little things.  For some it might be the wind blowing through their hair, riding a motorcycle on Highway 1, or hiking Mount Tam on a glorious September day. For another person it is casting a vote for change in a ballot box, flying a flag…or standing or kneeling in protest of equality.  How would you define freedom? Is it having a voice to shout your love from the mountain tops or perhaps it is finally finding the courage to tell the story of a girl who lost herself because of a sexual assault? Now here is the million dollar question…Can breaking the silence of domestic violence, sexual abuse, or rape actually challenge society to improve their moral behavior? We are currently unraveling the answer. The Supreme Court nomination of Brett Kavanaugh has opened several scabs and emotional wounds.  

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh…don’t tell anyone! They may not believe you.”  Victims  will constantly question themselves and wonder what they could have done differently. My son recently asked… “Why wouldn’t a person just tell someone immediately after it has happened?” Well, there is no timeline for courage, recovery, or healing. The truth is….society is more inclined to interrogate the victim instead of the abuser. “Who was it, and what did you do to provoke them?” I prefer another approach.  “I am sorry for your pain. Tell me more. Was it someone you trusted or even admired, and how did the burden of secrecy change the course of your life? Did you shut everything down…..your voice, your worth, your body, and your dreams?  Please take my hand so that I may hug you and love the parts of yourself that still feel dirty and broken.”

For those who have suffered and survived a sexual crime, I want you to know something. Self love and surrendering your story are two ways that you can resolve your heart and find peace.  You have the freedom and permission to tell your story and release the toxic shame that was forced upon you. It’s really not about convincing others to believe you. It’s not politics or religion.  It is about letting go of the burden of silence and denial and removing the armor that weighs you down. By surrendering your story over to the Universe you shall liberate your soul and  teach a few more people about civility, respect, boundaries and compassion.  The rest is really unknown.

We live in a country where you supposedly have permission to be who you are….just as long as you don’t make anyone else feel uncomfortable.  Look around… we still worry about abuse, injustice, retaliation, prejudice, sexism, trauma, violence, and tainted politics. Each time a woman has the courage to say, “Me too” the hair stands up on female arms across the world. We are reminded that our progress is much slower than we would like. For the sake of the next generation, we will need to get really uncomfortable and vulnerable and take a long look at ourselves in the mirror.  One story may not change the world overnight. However,  the ones who are brave enough to vocalize their pain and call out their aggressors may in fact be the ones who change the future course of humanity. One should never underestimate the soul of a woman. She is wired with maternal love and she is fiercely protective.

It is true…the Universe shall play a big role in our progress and for many that will not be fast enough.  We must remember that every woman who has survived trauma has something profound to teach us about ourselves. We may not know them personally, so it is wrong to judge them.  We should want to learn from them, for the Universe has assigned them an incredible burden and  responsibility. 

At this moment, we are invited to question our own morality, ethics, and behavior. “What are my guiding values in how women are treated?” It’s not about taking sides or whether you believe someone or not….it’s about raising your own standards and goodwill toward women. While we may forget it from time to time…we are collectively setting the tone for the next generation.       

I dare you to ask yourself what freedom means to you..…Is it safety, is it patriotism, is it equality, or is it being able to finally state your truth.  For those who weary from carrying around shame, you have full permission and freedom to release the stench of your abuser.  Yes, please purge any grime or mildew from your heart and your bathrobe. You have permission to be yourself again…. smart, funny, spiritual, quirky, artsy, nerdy, emotional, creative and yes…..even sexy. Feel free to wake everyone up. Be vocal and vigilant. Express your heartache and your passion. There will be no more stomach aches and migraines from hiding gross stories and details of inappropriate touching or dysfunctional love. It’s true that the world needs more respect, tolerance, kindness, and empathy, but you need something too…..it is your self compassion and forgiveness.  

 I’m thoroughly agitated about what is happening in our world.  I’m a mother of two sons and trying to make sense of what is our greatest lesson right now.  The truth is, I have not experienced sexual trauma. I’m just sad for my any woman who set out to find love in the world and returned home tarnished and broken. Why her? Will it be me next? How do I teach my boys to honor women when the world is stripping one another of dignity? This is a very historical moment and everyone will have to address their own fears and beliefs. For any person who has been raped, assaulted or abused verbally, emotionally, or sexually, I send you love. You might be wondering, “Who am I now?” Well, you are here on purpose. You are still a warrior and a flower. You are still worthy of compassion and kindness, and you get to choose how the story ends.  

Freedom is allowing yourself to love and smile despite everything. Freedom is finding love for your body again…..allowing oxygen to flow through your nose down your chest  around your breasts and your stomach and down your thighs and legs.  Freedom is paving the way for other women to recover and stand in their power. Freedom is finding redemption in your happiness. Freedom is understanding that a punishment and an apology may never come, but you are still going to be okay. Freedom is not worrying about who is on your side, but standing in your own power and grace. Freedom is shedding shame and holding onto your dignity. Freedom is a million different things, but right now freedom is solidarity among women. We are locked arm in arm and no woman is without a shield or an army of support.  There is an unshakable tribe standing with you….and the world shall never be the same.